dressed up like a lady: My cup runneth over.

Nov 9, 2012

My cup runneth over.


Sorry to interrupt our usual fashion-centric content. It's just that my heart is overflowing and I can't help sharing it.

Now that GBear is learning to read, she's becoming aware that she pronounces the "th" sound as an "f" sound, like many little kids do. So last night, while we were reading "The Bear Went Over the Mountain" together, she started trying really, really hard to make that "th" sound properly. She could do it, but she had to think consciously about it and try really, really hard, otherwise she'd pronounce "The bear went through the cave" as "The bear went froo the cave," -- adorable, yes, but she was aiming higher.

So she dug her heels in and tried hard, pushing her little tongue up to her teeth and forcing the unfamiliar feeling, saying "Ffffthhroo! Fffthhhroo!" again and again, her smile growing bigger and her voice growing louder each time the noise she made sounded closer and closer to what she was trying for. Until finally, she hit her stride; she figured out how to make the right sound come out consistently! And as we both sang "THROUGH!! THROUGH!!" at the top of our lungs, her great, big, delighted grin stretched from one ear to the other, even as big, sweet tears of joy formed in her beautiful five-year-old eyes and began to leak down her face. She yelled "I can do it!! THROUGH!!" a few more times, before burying her face in my chest, giggling while wiping her tears on my shirt, and cooing "That was hard. This is fun"
Her dad, MC, is one of those guys who'll shed a tear at an emotional moment but not get choked up or anything. Maybe she gets it from him. I blubber and sob and can't speak if I think I'm going to cry, so I was even more blown away than usual. 
Gbear shed a happy tear one other time in my presence: at the wedding. After the ceremony, she just came up to me for a hug, and when I pulled away from her after the embrace she had a big grin and little glossy tears forming in her eyes as she took me by the face the way I always do her and said "I love you, Cammila mommy. I love you, I love you, I love you."
Five years old. What a treasure of a person she is. I'll be shouting it from the rooftops for the rest of my days, and still never do justice to the privilege it is to love her.

13 comments :

  1. You gotta know she feels the same way about you, Babycat...as do I! :-)*

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  2. <3 absolutely beautiful. she has a fantastic life ahead of her with you two as her parental units. <3

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  3. This is just amazing! You are so lucky to have sucha a wonderful family!

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  4. Reading this officially places me on the blubber team.

    I don't know how much I believe in life, or anything at all, being predestined because the idea behind that is depressing to me. Inexplicable, horrible, terrible things happen too often, and it just makes me uneasy to think we don't have any control.

    Maybe what it really is, is that I don't like people who use "destiny" as an excuse to sit around feeling helpless, and waiting for the life they want to be handed to them.

    On the other hand, it also makes it easy to feel like whatever good things happen to us are all well-deserved rewards from X higher power, and too much of that combined with a lack of humility has just as much potential to make an asshole out of an otherwise useful human being.

    Perspective, gratitude, and endurance tend to be the only things I really cling to. There's probably some combination of all of those things where not everything's coincidence, but we have to consciously tap into whatever force it is that makes things happen, and take action to help it along. I don't have it quite figured out yet, and I have my doubts that I ever will, but it's been on my mind a lot lately since you posted about your friend passing away. Death makes destiny an even harder pill to swallow even if it does bring a little comfort.

    Anyway, I didn't really mean to go on so long, I just wanted to avoid sounding trite when I tell you I feel like your family was 'meant to be.' It's special to me to be a virtual witness to it, and I'm thankful that you let us all into your world. I know it didn't just happen, and that you've had to struggle to be together, but it's hard to believe a love so big could possibly be something any of you just fell into without something helping you find it.

    I'm grateful to know that a family like yours exists. I'm overwhelmed from thousands of miles away by how much and how well you all love each other, how beautifully you've made your home and lives together, and the hope it gives me. <3

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to share these words with me, Amy. It feels presumptuous to act like anybody else in the world really should take any interest in this little window into the life we're so grateful for, but of course, for anybody out there to feel some of the joy we express here is basically all we could ever ask for.

      And I agree that there must be some kind of middle ground between chaos and "meant to be." The way I see it, if God is really the highest plane of existence -- pure consciousness and love in a form that we corporeal creatures can only comprehend in glimpses, or as simplified through symbols -- then the prayers, wishes and desires of we humans here on such a lowly little plane must seem like the wishes and desires of children. Irrational, short-sighted, emotional, egocentric. But also blameless and innocent and part of young life.

      And so most of the time, some level of "karma" is playing out in our lives -- based, perhaps on many reincarnated lifetimes of hurting and helping that we don't even remember -- and the divine knows this. That as we undergo hardships and pray for different fortunes, we're like a child picking up their toys and crying that she wants to play instead. And as we go about the work of earthly life, like a kid learning responsibility by cleaning up what feels like an unending mess of her toys, our spirits are really strengthening and "growing up," and the divine knows better than to spoil us and stifle that process that will bring us back toward its eternal, unfathomable bliss.

      But maybe now and then, that Godly power reaches a hand in to answer the pleading of a spirit stuck in the quagmire of earthly life, and does it out of the same kind of compassion we feel for crying children. We will happily placate a little boy or girl sometimes out of pure love, won't we? If we know that this is a moment where he or she will be helped and not hurt on her journey towards strong adulthood through a little loving indulgence. And we see that even though the desire for an adult to help clean up her toys is really nothing in the big picture of her life, it is everything to her at this minute. I think that's what the divine sees when we're desperate and yearning about something.

      And somewhere in the midst of all of that -- growing and karma and occasional divine intervention -- there's a substantial proportion of free will too. The circumstances might come into play due to factors out of our control, but maybe the way we find the balance between doing the right thing and over or under compensating for whatever the charge is, that's how we decide more and more control for ourselves, the way we earn the greater and greater ability to pick our own "destinies." The guru I read a lot of teachings from growing up liked to put it this way: "Karma is dictating a lot of your life. But not all of it. You have your free will, and you will find yourself with more and more of it if you use it to be kind and be jolly."

      If this doesn't resonate with you, then I am not at all offended and I hope you aren't either! You are clearly a very awesome, very articulate person and I would never want to make you feel preached to. I just know how it can be nice when a "big idea" does resonate, and if I can give you some of that feeling, that might help me show my gratitude to you for leaving such a wonderful comment.

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  5. Yup, definitely put me into shiny eyes territory. It's delightful to hear stories about your life, intertwined with your fashion posts, please don't apologize for them.
    xo
    Elizabeth

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  6. Awww !! Such sweet effort !! And love both the pictures !! Bless your family !

    Much Love
    Heiress
    Our Latest Post - Style inspiration Winter White

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  7. Wow! What a treasure she is! :) So adorable as well :D So happy for you & I love being able to be apart of all the wonderful moments in your life :D it's such a nice feeling to see someone else's experiences and see how truly happy they are! :)

    Thank you for sharing! <3

    xo - Brittany

    http://www.edgymisfit.blogspot.com

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  8. little tots have the power to totally bring us to our knees. they are
    so transparent and loving.

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  9. oh yes and your cup does truly runneth over and this gives me and I'm
    sure many others - HOPE. thanks for being a sharing sweetheart.

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  10. Coming from a typical, two-parent, heterosexually-married-for-a-million-years family and marrying into a divorced-and-remarried family (both of which are awesome), I get confused about the idea of a blended family (which doesn't make it any less awesome). Add to this the fact that my in-laws just finalized an open adoption, and I am even more fuzzy. Like how can my husband have multiple sisters and moms and dads and wtf? How can he love them all the same if they're not from his one nuclear family like mine are? But this post (besides making me cry at my desk, thank you very much) just really put a big crack in that wall of confusion. In the best way possible. My aha moment. THIS is how my husband's family works. It's just as simple as loving the person you are given the opportunity to love in the moment they offer themselves to you. No matter how they came to you.

    I suddenly feel all the more lucky to have married into a family like you have.

    Thank you for this post.

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