Um, a few people have asked, so I figured I might as well come out and say it (as well as show it): Yes, I wear dance shorts under my mini skirts!
I'm unduly obsessed with mini skirts that have a full circle silhouette, which are super adorable, but can quite problematically blow out of their designated region of coverage (namely: my butt). Full minis are often called "skater" skirts, and quite appropriately so, as any nerd who's watched the Winter Olympics knows that ice skaters don't exactly run the risk of letting their unmentionables show when they do a triple salchow or whatever. They've got a whole leotard type situation going on under there, so I do roughly the same thing. I actually started doing this back in high school, inspired by the kick pants worn by cheerleaders, but in the picture above, I'm wearing the Capezio Boy Short.
There's actually an entire market devoted to exactly this kind of product -- it's just mostly directed at children.
But hey, it's still awesome that parents of little girls who like to play in skirts now and then (but
deserve to do so without scraping their bums on slides!) don't even have
to visit the dancewear store to make their daughters (and darling step daughters) playground ready. My beloved half-pint GBear is a fan ofPlayground Pals and Monkeybar Buddies, but there are also Hide-eees and Francie Pants, the latter of which are smart enough to make playground shorts for grown ups too!
P.S. People keep asking me about my diet/workout plan! Are you guys seriously asking or are you just being flattering? Because I'll detail that shit if you want, but I don't want to bore you with nutritionist talk if you're just being sweet. :)
I don't have any tattoos, but I never seemed to outgrow inking my shoes. I drew all over my first pair of Chuck Taylors when I was nine, and I don't think there's been a time since when I haven't been in the present course of covering a particular pair of unisex sneakers with ultra-fine Sharpie doodles up until such a time as that particular pair wears out. I'm currently on these classic Vans. It takes, on average, a couple of years of consistent doodling to cover a pair of shoes completely, by which time the shoes are often pretty beat, but I'm quite attached to these ones, so maybe I'll be a little more careful with them.
Do you have anything in your own closet that you've covered in scribbles?
FUUUUUUUUUU it's hot! I dig me some hot weather, and not just because it provides ideal conditions for wearing these high waisted shorts, which go with just about everything. I love how they have a hardcore zipper in the back instead of a spindly one on the side. I wear them all summer and I've never had a snag.
Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn:two Golden Age Hollywood icons of immeasurable beauty and poise! We lovers of cinema and style heap praise upon them both.
But that's no fun!
can't be denied that Audrey and Grace belong to the same weight class,
and are comparable enough as stars to make a worthy match-up. So why not pit them against each other in a hypothetical battle for supreme awesomeness?!?!
Audrey and Grace: both feminine ideals of beauty.
Chicks will not shut up about either of them.
Audrey: Was the muse of Givenchy. Grace: Got a Hermes bag named after her just because she liked it.
Audrey: Has come to represent sophistication, timelessness, and perfection. Grace: Has come to represent all of that, plus was also a REAL PRINCESS.
Who looks better in aviators? This is a totally valid question. Polled my cubemates and got a unanimous 4/4 vote.
This is the silliest picture of each actress that I could find. Grace: Appears to be licking a gourd. Additionally: Notoriously slept with every sexy actor she wanted to, and yet somehow kept this from becoming public knowledge at the time, skirting the pathetic double standards in 1950's society regarding men, women, and sex. Audrey: Happily responding to something off camera. Additionally: Kept a baby fawn as a pet to prepare for the film Green Mansions.
Baby deer and awesome sex are probably pretty comparable in terms of embracing awesomeness in life.
They're both dead.
Nothing adds mystique to your everlasting image like not being around to mess it up.
Audrey: Was a devoted advocate for UNICEF, traveling to Ethiopia, Sudan, Turkey, Guatemala, and Somalia on humanitarian missions.
Grace: Hung out with nice guys in wheelchairs. Just kidding. Grace actually organized massive fundraising and lobbying efforts as president of AMADE, and international NGO that campaigns for children's rights. However, it was the position of either her or the Monaco royal family that advertising your charity efforts was backdoor bragging, so this fact about her isn't well known.
Either way, she wasn't camping out in any warzones.
Unfair comparison pictures, I know. Sadly, there aren't many bathing suit shots of Audrey out there. However, this rather effectively illustrates the point. Do I even need to spell out the winner of this category?
You can point out that Audrey herself most likely cultivated her ethereal, guileless, non-sexual image -- that it was intentional, and part of her own branding. I'm not knocking her for that. But the thing is, for the purposes of this semantic fight, she still loses against Grace in this category. For all her poise, refinement, and (dare we say) grace, Grace emanated a sensual, touchable, smolderingly physical desirability that Audrey never projected. Grace's gaze and body both convey lean, athletic, knowing warmth. However, Grace could also turn this quality on and off at will; she could radiate sultriness one moment, and delicate, untouched sophistication the next. Whereas Audrey only had the one mode: all non-sexual elegance, all the time. This limitation is a liability for Audrey in the ring, and in my opinion, is where Grace lands her most crucial blow.
The whole reason these two stars are worthy hypothetical adversaries is because they have both become feminine ideals. And while the snapshots of these actresses that fill women's minds and Pinterest boards are obviously representative of the mere fictions we've agreed upon for each of them, even the most explicitly fictitious image of female perfection rings just a little bit too hollow without the presence of sex.
There's no doubt an entire school of girl-worship devoted to the coltish, fragile bird style beauty of Audrey Hepburn, and I love it myself. It has its place. But held up for comparison, this example of 20th century mythology just can't compete with a fuller-spectrum paragon of womanhood, no matter how unattainable. I'm not talking about some kind of dumbass misnomer like Girl Hot vs. Guy Hot -- seeing as how my ability to enjoy the sensual side of female beauty is absolutely not intrinsically linked to the opinion of a hetero man, thankyouverymuch. That's just the point: Audrey's mythos is linked to the fantasy of remaining a 12 year old girl forever. Which is an awesome fantasy to engage intermittently, but only for so long. Namely, as long as it takes for the knowing, mature, proactive side of the womanly mind (and body) God gave you to creep back into your thoughts.
Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we have a knockout. Fight Winner: Grace Kelly!
In all fairness, the only reason these two were worthy of a match-up in the first place is that they both possess such overflowing beauty, luminosity, style, allure, seemingly effortless grace, and personality.
Audrey and Grace, backstage at the 28th Academy Awards.
Audrey and Grace, each posing for Philippe Halsman's Jump! series.
So don't take these shenanigans too seriously. I love, love, love Audrey. :)
But by all means: if you don't agree with the judge's ruling, speak up and make your case! :D