Nov 23, 2013
I'm sure lots of bloggers talk about this shit all the time. Offering an "accurate" little window into your life is kind of an inherently flawed concept. Not a bad concept, and not one I'd say is so flawed that it sucks (obviously -- since I like blogging), but I don't know, it's just an imperfect system, I guess.
I'm babbling about this a little because sometimes when I'm just sort of having a draining week, I realize there's a disparity between me being stressed and our blog being basically the same upbeat tone it always is. And there are a lot of legit reasons for that; the focus of the blog is sort of positivity, and our brains do go to positive places when we create stuff for here. That part is real inspiration -- the joy of digging your style, the joy of being with somebody you're crazy about, the joy of, uh, sunglasses, that's what makes us want to post here in the first place.
But another reason is that when I'm having kind of a shit time, I don't have time or energy to blog about it. Is this common? I remember having lots of time to detail every stupid little neurosis on Livejournal back in the day, but this grown up shit doesn't offer that kind of time at all. When we've got money concerns or family drama, we get worn out just talking it out as a married couple. Not to mention that I don't even know how I'd go about explaining half this stuff without naming (or all but naming) people in our lives who would no doubt be pissed to get aired out with our dirty laundry.
And here's the crazy part: even as I type this, I immediately start connecting the dots from how dumb and unhappy I was at times in the past (lol, my 20's, what a shitshow), to how comparatively badass and awesome life feels now, and I wind up arriving at the gratitude for that growth that makes me want to post solely about kickass happiness. The cycle continues.
Oh, and also: there's the notion of TMI. I'm not very private (shocker) and I suspect I awkwardly compensate for this by relegating all my white people problems into the realm of probable TMI. We went to the allergist recently (gee, so exciting), and I was asked to list every long-term medication I could remember from my medical history, and it was ridiculous -- mostly because it involved listing every ADD med I tried throughout my 20's: Ritalin, Concerta, Adderall, Strattera, on and on (for the record I now take Focalin and I love it. REALTALK!). I mentioned the allergist bit briefly in a post, and I actually started to type this part (the "man, regurgitating your medical history is weird" part), but I went back and deleted it. People don't wanna hear about you and your history of prescriptions, I thought. Right?
Kinda similarly, sometimes I look at an actual post and I'm not super jazzed. Sometimes the camera settings were clearly wrong, or I realize the outfit wasn't that great, or the action set we ran makes the photos look weird, but I post it anyway -- cause fuck it, that's why. But again, I rarely end up complaining about it. "Wah, wah, these don't really look how I wanted," -- am I correct in assuming nobody wants to hear that?
I honestly have no idea, but it's not really the point. I guess the point is just that after a tough week, it does feel a little odd that the posts I have banked were all created with a focus on nothing tough whatsoever. When we make posts, we go to our happy place. That's therapeutic for us and hopefully enjoyable for whoever looks, but I do notice the gap sometimes between that happy place and the grinding gears of whatever might be driving me crazy during a hard week.
So anyway. Yeah, it's been a tough one. Most tough weeks you will not find me talking about it here, but this lone post is the exception. And here's what's NOT the exception: I'm gonna go cuddle up with my husband, because that man makes everything bad feel like no big deal.
Hearts and flowers, motherfuckers.